Sunday, June 11, 2006

Chapter 6 (part 1)

On the eve of Chris return i just felt lousy and very tired. The whole day was non evenful. Everything seems dark, even the weather was not on my side. It has been raining since this morning. I just went through the motion even my colleagues felt that I was not in a good mood. They think that i miss Chris, and yes they were right i do miss Chris very much. I was think how should i stop this relationship from continuing. How can i tell her that i'm not the right man for her. How can i tell her that we have to end this ounce upon a time a beautiful love story. I've always believe that true love is free, love is just not about sex or ownership love is freedom to be yourself and not trying to be someone you are not. You can't put a price on love. Love is the feeling of joy and happiness of being together. So how than could i stop loving her? It pains me by not being able to love her. So how can i tell her?
It was around eleven in the night i reveive a call from Chris, that she will be arriving in Singapore at around two in the morning. I lay on my bed not able to sleep thinking of the very first time when we were together. It was the most happiest moment of my life. She brought back the beauty of love back into my heart. I think i can never ever forget the begining. Till now i can feel the joy and the beauty of being in love.
I went to meet Chris at the bus station at around 2am. She look infinitely delicate and startlingly beautiful but i could tell that she is feeling tired. She looked up at me innocently with a smile as i hold her in my arms and kisses her on her forehead. How young she still was in some ways. It always surprise me. It was difficult to understand how she maintained a core of innocence beneath such knowing veneer. I hail a cab as i carried her bag for her. As we sped along beach road towards East Coast Parkway, Chris watched the crowds the cars the people the action swirling about them in the early morning, most of them leaving the pub or disco clubs some heading for a late supper. There was a kind of electric excitment that even in the sanctuary of the cab we could feel. "There's nothing like it in Selangor or even Kuala Lumpur is there? "No nothing like it." She said as she turns and look at me smiling.
"You look tired Spencer are you?"
"Yes i'm feeling a little tired i guess." I replied as i look at her smiling face turning to a worrying one.
Suddenly she smile again and lay her head on my shoulder. "Do you miss me?" She asked playfully. "Yes i do miss u."
"I was only gone for about 2 day, how could u have miss me?"
"How about u did you miss me?" I asked.
"Mmmm........ maybe a little." She said again playfully.
"How little is littel? I asked as i took hold of her hand.
"Little bit only lah...." She replied as she smile widely at me.
Being with her has always made me happy, it has always been that way. So isn't right being with someone that makes you happy. Is it wrong wanting to be happy? How could i leave her? I think i can't just tell her that we have to stop this beautiful relationship. I now know deep inside my heart one day this relationship would end by itself. I think for now i should let cupid write the ending.
A few minutes later the cab swooped around Pasir Ris and stopped at her apartment block. As we walk up to the lift landing i held her in my arms and felt the warm of her body and feeling the love in her. As i pulled away i could feel the tears in my eyes. "Chris i am truely gald that you are back, i do really miss u so much, and i have been thinking of you everyday." She smile at me without saying a word. Whe the lift arrived she turn and enter the lift and said "Good night and i did miss you too." I stood there looking at her as lift door close on her. I now could say that Chris do love me. I have always know that she do love me and i know i have always love her. Everytime i think of her i could feel the love. Why else do i want her like i do, if i'm not in love. Why do i missis her so much, why is my heart longing to be with her always. Is this not love? That's how love works isn't? Like a river running through you sometimes it lifts you as high as heaven and it comsumes you and that is how love moves.