Saturday, May 20, 2006

Chapter Five (part 1)

It was only after two weeks, i finally manage to ask Annie what did she really meant, when she said tha Chris does not love me. We were at Buger King me, Annie and Chris. I ask Annie after Chris left to take our orders, cause she said that lunch was on her. "Annie, what did you meant when you said that Chris does not love me? My heart now banging like a drum. "Spencer, Spencer." She said before taking a bite of the banana fritters which she had brought down from the restaurant. "I'm always saying things that disturb you we both know that right." "Yes but this wasn't the usual category of your flippant off the cuff remarks, it was not only what you said, but the way you said it." "I know." Annie said with a sly smile. "I'm sorry if i worried you." She went on as she chewed delicately on the banana fritters. "It's just my sense of humor Spencer, you know that right." "I know, i agreed, but that day i couldn't help wondering if what you said was a joke or not." "Of course it was," she said, don't give it a second thought." "Oh good." i said vastly relieved and allowed myself to smile. I knew what Annie said the other day was not true, cause i would have know if Chris does not love me. It's not easy to fake love, i don't know i myself can't do that. Because i alwasy believed that what's in your heart will evently showned in your eyes. "I was only joking Spencer." Suddenly Annie continue. "I was just pulling your leg." All this while i was just nodding to what Annie is saying. "Althought......" Suddenly Annie stop and fixed her eyes on me. "Althought what?" I asked looking at her. "Well........," She sighed as she lifted her graze away from to her coffee. "since now we're on the subject i must say that Chris don't exactly seem to be in love with you." I graze into Annie's liquid black eyes as if to see what she said was true. "How would you know?" "She said it herself." "Annie don't play around please.."
"Ok she ounce told me that, she's taking you for a ride." "Are you sure." I said as i look at Annie sly smile. "I'm only telling you this because you are my best friend, i think...." Annie suddenly stop, as Chris approched our table with our orders.
When Chris was sitted down i look at her pretty face and wonder if she is the type of person who likes to play around with peoples feeling? I think Annie has got it wrong, i think she told Annie cause she does not want her to know about our relationship. But i just tried to ignore what Annie has said, i think Chris has her reason. I just felt it's not true, cause deep inside my heart i knew she love me. I know cause by being with her i could tell that she do love me, without even saying a word. I could tell from her smiles and the look from her eyes. I could tell from the touch of her hand. Althought i'm troubled by the thought whenever i'm with her she makes me feel that everything is all right without even saying a word. I know Annie may not see that, but that's what i feel.
It was on the Friday afternoon on the eve of Chris departure, we were together shopping at Centrepoint Orchard, and since Chris is going back to her parents home in penang i decided that i think it's the best time for me to buy her a ring to simbolise our love for eachother. That afternoon we spent time together as if it was our last. At around six that evening we set off to the bus station. Raindrops struck the windscreen as the sky got darker. The street were shrouded in grey and shops and pedestrians were like running colours with distorted lines. When we were on the highway i hold her hands i felt i have already miss her we were going to be seperated for two long days and for me it's like two months. As we approached the Golden Mile Complex were the bus station was, i felt indescribadly uneasy. The feeling of not being able to be with her suddenly begins to sit in. At the complex there were still a lot of Thai migrants workers milling around in the bus station. I reminded Chris to put her ID, Work permit, and passport somewhere safe. We went into the bus office where tickets were already being checked. I kiss her and hold her for almost a minute long. I followed her with the flow of people surging towards the bus. Before she board the bus I said to her "Take care and remember to call me when you reach there, so that i know you are safe." "Ok..take care of yourself too." She replied as she gave me a quick kiss on my lips and boarded the bus. I waited for a while till the bus left, i drove back in silent thinking of the time when i'm with her, and this is the frist time we are away from each-other. I'm already feeling the sadness. On that night i was unable to sleep, my mind kept playing our last moment together. Everytime i close my eyes i could see her smiling at me. She is so blatantly unfailingly charming, so funny and so delightful to be with and i'm going to miss all that. How could i not love her? Being with her makes me feel that i could live forever, it feels so....beautiful just like the morning sun just like being in a dream that's how she makes me feel. As i lay on my bed i prayed silently for her safety. How i wish i could sent her back to her hometown, how i wish........i could be with......her, as my mind was turning i drifted off to sleep.