Sunday, May 07, 2006

Chapter Four (part 1)

It was a Monday morning, when i felt something was not right with Chris. She seems unhappy about something. "Chris is there something wrong, are u ok?" I asked hopeing that she would let me in on what is makeing her sad. "I'm ok." She replied. "Are u sure, i can tell that you are unhappy about something." "No i am ok." She said as she tried to convince me. But deep inside i knew she was unhappy. Since she'd not want to talk about it, i decided not to poke futher. "Well when u are ready to talk, do let me know, ok" I said, as i leave her to herself.
Through out the day, she keeps silent not wanting to speak. I was worried that i was the cost of her unhappiness. It hurts me to see her so sad. I wish i could make her happy, like she always did to me. It was untill the lunch crowd has clear out the phone in my office rang. I took the call at the barcounter, it was for Chris and on the other line was her Indian boyfriend, i did recognize his voice. I call Chris over to take the call. I was still at the barcounter when i overheard her saying. "I miss u so much." suddenly there were tears rolling down her cheek. "I was........... thinking of you." She continue as this time she bagan to cry as she turn her face away from the barcounter. Seeing her this way hurts me. I felt that i had to do with her pridictment. I walk away from the barcounter so as not wanting to listen to their conversation. Suddenly now i felt sad. I felt like a knife has just cut throught my heart. I felt my relationship with Chris was all wrong. I should not have fallen in love with her. But i can't help it i'm already fallen for her. I think i should end all this, and the only way to end it is to leave this place.
With that in mind i immediately scan the Strait Times which was on the other end of the barcounter. I make a few call and manage to secure an interview. After i had finish Chris came over to me. She look me in the eye and asked me what was i doing. I told her that it is time that i should look for a new job. I told her that our relationship was not right from the beginning. I told her i do not want to hurt her or make her unhappy.
"But i wasn't unhappy with you." She said. "I know, but i just do not know how to stop loving you, and i do not want to break you up with your boyfriend, it also hurts me to see u sad."
"I know u have feelings for me." She said as she reach out for my hands. "I'm happy whenever i'm with u." She continue as she squeeze my hand tightly. "Please Spencer don't leave me now, i do really need you, and i do love u too." On hearing what she had just said i felt as if suddenly the sadness feeling had all disapeared. I took her hand and let her into my office. "Chris." I said after she had set herself down. "I really have nothing to offer except what we've now." "What do u mean?" She asked. "Maybe i'm far too old for u." I said slowly. "Old u are much much older." She said, this time with a playful smile. "Ok older, but what i was saying is that there may be no future for us." "Maybe u are right Spencer, but i'm not thinking that far yet, i just want us to enjoy what we've now, come lets not talk about sad things let's have a cup of coffee." She said as she stood up and took my hand pulling me out of the office to the barcounter.
My love for Chris seems to grow stronger and stronger after that. We were always together, we were inseparable. We arrived for work together we left together. Everyone was watching us, even Peter was jealous with envy, and oh yah he seems to have stop complaining about Chris. For me i was just enjoying the moment with Chris, not bordering what others are thinking, and i knew this could get me fired but i didn't care. We were almost together for the whole day, even after work in the night, we would call each other on the phone and talk till the wee hours of the night, till we were ready to sleep. I would sehedule her off day to coincide with mine. During our off days, we would meet at my house and have sex the whole affternoon or we would go out for a movies. You see the reason we are attracted to eachother i think it's because we felt happy together, and we seems to have the same liking. Whenever i'm with her everything seem so right. I could tell anything without feeling worried or the need to hide. This is what i feel when i'm with her. But there is one thing i have not told her yet it's about my cancer, but because i have not took the final test, i could not really say it is cancer, therefore i think i shouldn't let her know yet. Thinking of that i wounder how would she feel if one day i'm gone. I look at her as she layed on my shoulder. I could feel her naked body against mine. I look at her young creamy body her breast was still firm her body looked infinitely delicate and startlingly beautiful. Here i'm with a young and beautiful girl , what more can i asked for? I've lost love once in my life and i hope i'm not going to lose this one. I hope this dream will never end.

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